Don’t Be Me: Seven Commonly Made Mistakes When Giving Feedback
By James O’Donnell, Co-Founder & Managing Partner of Integrev
Through the years, James O’Donnell, Co-Founder & Managing Partner of Integrev, a technology consulting firm, has been our candidate, our client and an advisor to our firm. We’ve not only represented and served him, we’ve learned from him, most of all because he not only knew a lot (about business, about management, about leadership), but, perhaps most importantly, he knew what he didn’t know and shared that growth mindset with us. Here, his lessons learned about the importance of (the right kind of) feedback.
I was a couple of months into a new gig as the head of sales for a hot startup and things were going pretty well, all things considered. We had a customer journey, a sales process, a solid compensation plan, and a rudimentary tech stack. The team I hired had been successfully integrated into the one I inherited and the fissures that would appear later as a result of scaling were nowhere to be found. So while things were far from perfect and there was still much to be done, I felt good about where we were at that moment.
That is until my highest performer started acting weird.
She was the first person I hired into the role and from her first day, she was a leader amongst peers. Regularly one of the top revenue performers on her own desk, she also made time to help build the fundamentals of the business: developing messaging, testing new acquisition avenues, creating new hire training content. For the first couple of months she was what every early startup head of sales dreams of when they hire an IC.
And then things changed. She was still a top performer but her attitude shifted. She started acting annoyed, impatient, frustrated. Not with clients. Not with colleagues. With me.
I let this go for a couple of weeks assuming it was the stress of the job or maybe something in her life completely unrelated and none of my business.
“Sometimes knowing the world doesn’t revolve around you makes you blind to when you’re the problem. ”
Finally, at the end of yet another perfunctory 1:1, she blurted out in exasperation “Do you think I’m doing a good job?!”
Woah! Hold on a sec. My best performer doesn’t know I think she’s killing it?!
“Of course I do! You’re killing it! You’re the one person on this team I don’t have to worry about and I love building this with you!”
“Well, it’d be nice to hear you say that every once in a while!”
Mind. Blown.
“What am I doing right?”
We tend to think of feedback as only being "constructive" (i.e. bad/negative). But if you're only giving feedback when something goes wrong, you're missing a huge opportunity.
The technical definition of feedback is: A process where a portion of the output of a system is returned to the input, either to reinforce (positive feedback) or to inhibit (negative feedback) the process that produced the output.
So in other words: If you tell someone what they are doing right and why, it leads to them doing the right thing more often. And people, even high performers, need to hear it. Imagine that!
At one point or another, I’ve made just about every mistake possible when it comes to feedback.
Here are a couple.
Don’t be like me.
1. Neglecting to Provide Feedback:
Silence can be deafening. By withholding feedback, we deprive individuals of valuable insights for growth.
2. Failure to Solicit Feedback:
Feedback shouldn't flow in one direction only. Actively seek input from others to gain diverse perspectives and foster a culture of open communication.
3. Overlooking Participation:
The person we are providing feedback to should be invited to participate in the process by being asked for their perspective. Inclusive feedback processes empower individuals, fostering a sense of ownership and accountability for outcomes.
4. Neglecting the Positive:
Feedback isn't just about addressing shortcomings. Recognizing and reinforcing positive behaviors is equally important for motivation and development.
5. Delaying Negative Feedback:
Timeliness is key. Address issues promptly to prevent them from escalating and to provide clear direction for improvement.
6. Lack of Specificity:
Vague feedback lacks impact. Focus on specific examples and actions rather than abstract notions like "attitude."
7. Making it Personal:
Feedback should address behaviors, not personalities. Keep the focus on actions and outcomes rather than individual traits.
Feedback is not solely about correction; it's a powerful tool for learning and growth. To harness its full potential, consider the following W5H principles:
Who: Feedback flows in all directions – up, down, and across organizational hierarchies.
What: Feedback is a process of returning a portion of output to the input, aimed at reinforcing positive behaviors or inhibiting negative ones.
Where: Create a safe environment built on trust where individuals feel comfortable giving and receiving feedback.
When: Feedback should be timely, frequent, and integrated into routine interactions.
Why: Feedback serves to reinforce positive behaviors and correct negative ones, driving continuous improvement.
How: Deliver feedback with measure, balance, and a focus on actionable steps for improvement.
By mastering the practice of feedback, we can create a culture of continuous learning and adaptation, driving both individual and organizational success. And we don’t risk burning out great team members because we’re too busy fighting whatever fire is on our desk that day.
Thank you Roxana for teaching me this lesson. And for being patient with me while I learned it.
James O’Donnell is Co-Founder & Managing Partner of Integrev, a technology consulting firm helping clients produce efficient growth and positive customer impact. Contact James O’Donnell at jod@integrev.com
CFW Careers is an Executive Search and Executive Coaching firm that’s contributed to building successful organizations and realizing talent potential for over 52 years. Contact Cynnie King cynnie@cfwcareers.com or Rachel Fagnant-Fassler rachel@cfwcareers.com.